Feb. 6th, 2010

So last year was pretty hard for me. I was stressed out, and frustrated, and depressed. Just trying to make it through the day. And then to make it from one day to the next. And I could feel myself getting somewhat ... bitter, I guess is the word ... or more cynical, at work, for numerous reasons. And all I could do was just hang on until I had some time off at Christmas. When, for the first time in a long time, I slept a lot. And took it easy. And saw my friends part of the time. And just cozied up at home, the rest of it. And suddenly, so much of that burden of stress was gone. And I was happy most of the time. And I decided that I didn't want to give up that feeling. I didn't want to be a hardened version of myself. I wanted to re-connect with my better self.

So I decided that there was going to be a change. I want to be happier and healthier. In general. To feel better. About myself, and the world. Because I can't change everything at work, or the people around me. But I can change how I approach them. So I set about taking baby steps. Like promising myself that I would get at least 7 - 8 hours of sleep every night. Which for an inveterate insomniac is a HUGE thing. I used to get by on 3 1/2 - 4 hours of sleep. Not by choice, but by natural habit. So far, so good. I'm more well rested, which means I have more energy. I'm achieving a deeper sleep, which means I'm dreaming more. I don't remember the dreams, but I'm *aware* that I'm dreaming more. Which is a good thing.

Other things I've done. Breakfast every morning before work. Taking my vitamins. No Diet Coke at work. (Also HUGE because this was my total addiction.) Down to one glass only  allowed per day. (And sometimes none.) And I'm throwing out the clutter. I'm Clutter-busting!! Out with the old, to make room for the new. Old clothes will be donated. Old books, etc. as well. Sometimes we have to let go of the past, because it's just weighing us down.

It's going to be a long road to change, but I've taken the first few steps. It's all starting to take root, and make for permanent changes. So fingers crossed that this continues. Because I feel totally different. I am happier, and that makes the people I meet in my job happier too. Life is just easier this way. So I'm keeping my eyes on the road, my head forward, and my heart in a positive place.



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